


Silence

by ramza



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2013-12-14
Packaged: 2018-01-04 16:02:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1082967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramza/pseuds/ramza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey, Touji?”<br/>“Yeah?”<br/>“Please don't ever leave me.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in a note on my phone after watching 2.0 in like. june  
> kinda short cause i just wanted to get some thoughts out  
> also kinda bad probably bc i have not written a fanfic since like. 2011 so!!  
> idk im gay and bad with titles  
> edit- changed up some iffy sentences fixed the spacing and added some more pain at the end cause i hate happiness

“Hey, Kensuke. D'you ever wonder what happened to Shinji?”

“Yeah. All the time. They took him out of that eva, but I have no idea if he's alive or not.”

“I guess he'd have to be pretty lucky to have survived that whole thing, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“I feel kinda bad for the guy, ya know? He never seemed to know what was goin' on. I don't think he knew what he was doin' was gonna cause the Third Impact. I think he really just wanted to save Ayanami...  
Wonder if she's okay.”

“Neither of them really seemed like the lucky type. But... I guess nobody really is, at least not anymore.” Kensuke looked down at his twisted, bloody stump of a leg and laughed sadly.

Silence.

“Hey, Kensuke?”

“Yeah?”

“D'you think help will ever come?”

“I gotta be honest, Touji. I think... I think they abandoned us a long time ago.”

“Man, that's kinda depressing. We sure were born in the wrong damn time.”

“Hah! You can say that again. Maybe if we-” he stopped to hack something up, and groaned. If WILLE was going to abandon them, the least they could have done was told them outright. “Maybe if we had been born with our lifespans ending right as the shit hit the fan, we could have had okay lives.”

“Well, up until the Third Impact, they were okay. And there's been some moments since then, in between everythin'. I mean, at least we still have each other, right?”

“Yeah.” Kensuke screwed up his face. “Listen to you, man! I'm supposed to be the happy one, and then there you go cheering me up. I guess a lot has changed since back then, though.”

Touji grabbed for Kensuke's hand, but he couldn't reach. He must've shifted in his sleep, he thought. He slowly and painfully shifted himself back closer to Kensuke and took his best friend's hand.

“Not that I mind, though, I just wish I could come up with something good to say. Maybe if I still had my old camera, we could go back through the film from that year. I'm sure we could at least get a laugh out of it.”

Touji stared up into the unusually clear starry sky, contemplating the past 13 years he spent in this wasteland with Kensuke. They managed to scavenge and survive pretty well for the first few years, but as the radiation seeped through all that was left of their supplies, it became a lot tougher to make it through. They had managed this long, but Kensuke was never as tough as himself, at least, not physically, and his condition was quickly becoming too much for the handful of painkillers they had left. Touji knew they didn't have much time left together.

Man, Shinji really fucked up. Well, he supposed he couldn't really blame the guy. Touji would have done the same if it had been his sister, or Kensuke.

“Hey, Touji?”

“Yeah?”

“Please don't ever leave me.”

“Well, I stuck with ya this long, didn't I? Come on man, like I could do anything like this without ya.”

“I'm serious, Touji. You and I both know I'm not going to make it after we run out of the painkillers. Please just... stay with me until I'm gone, okay? I don't care what else happens to me. I just want to be with you.”

“Hey man, c-come on! Don't go getting' all sappy on me,” he paused to look at Kensuke's face. He was looking straight up to the stars, with tears running down the sides of his face, a small, sad smile forming, probably as a defense from Touji's comment. “I... Kensuke, I promise, a'ight? I'd never leave ya out here alone. I couldn't do that to ya. I... Honestly, man, there's somethin' I gotta tell ya.”

“What?”

“I think I... I think I'm in love with ya, man.” Touji sat up as far as he could manage and kept his gaze on his best friend's eyes. “I'm bein' serious here. I think I probably have been for a real long time, but... I guess I've always just been too dumb to notice it,” he laughed.

Kensuke's smile grew warmer, but stayed small. Touji supposed it was the best he could manage in his current state. His tears stopped as he felt a warm feeling growing in his chest. “Finally.”

“Eh?” Touji's expression dropped.

“I've been waiting to hear that for years, Touji. This whole damn time, I've been waiting for that. Thank god you said it before it was too late.”

“Kensuke, what're ya-”

“I love you too, Touji. Thank you.”

Touji blushed. All this time? So he means he- this whole time?! Touji had never felt more dense in all his life. Running memories like film through his head, he looked back and realized how obvious it had been. He couldn't believe this. “Hey, man, am I dreamin'?”

Kensuke laughed so hard that he started coughing again, and smiled the widest he had in years. Touji thought it looked beautiful on him. Definitely better than the dirt and little bits of irradiated skin and the sad expressions of years before. “No, idiot. This is real,” his expression suddenly turned a little... desperate? Longing? Touji didn't know, because he had never noticed Kensuke make those kinds of faces. “Hey, scoot over here, I wanna give you something. I've been keeping it safe for years just in case this ever happened.”

Touji felt a little confused, since if Kensuke had been holding onto something for that long, he'd have known about it, but scooted closer anyway.

When Kensuke let go of Touji's hand and used what was left of his strength to pull Touji's face to his and kissed him, if Touji had not been completely breathless, he would have said he was completely surprised, and probably something rude and thoughtless.

“Sorry that was all I had for you, but I... like I said, I'm not going to last much longer, and I needed to-” Touji shut him up with another kiss. A sweeter kiss, much less desperate and rushed, more like a kiss you would give on your wedding day. A damn shame they'd never have one, 'cause if they had, it would've been the best Tokyo-3 had ever seen, thought Touji as he held Kensuke as close as he could, trying not to hurting him.

Kensuke laughed a little into the kiss, and pulled away ever so slowly. He had waited so long for this, and he would do it again if it meant he could stay with Touji forever. “You know, years ago, you would have said this was really gross and you probably never would have talked to me again.”

“'Ey, people change, man! I mean, I know I still ain't too bright, but I guess I've gotten more open, ya know? But.. it is kinda gross. Gross how I never realized I thought about ya the way I do now, and gross how I never noticed the way ya felt. I'm really sorry, man. Ya know, for keepin' ya hangin' for so long.”

“Don't worry about it, Touji. I'm sorry I can't be with you longer. I mean, like this with you,” Kensuke sighed and kissed Touji again, much more gently than before, and closed his eyes. “I'm so tired, dude. Let's watch the stars a while before we sleep.”

Touji nodded and lay down beside him, taking Kensuke's hand again. They watched the stars a while in silence before curling up together like they did every night, except this time, it was strangely more comfortable and warm. They shared a tender goodnight kiss, and a few whispered “I love you”s, and drifted off to sleep together.

Touji dreamed of an alternate world where he and Kensuke lived together in a small city apartment and woke up every morning next to each other, madly in love and really, truly happy together. Kensuke did not dream, but smiled in his sleep in stead as he quietly passed away.

Only when Touji awoke and prodded Kensuke gently did he realize something was wrong. Kensuke was so cold. “K-Kensuke? Hey, man, this ain't funny. Come on, wake up!” he cried, "Damnit! Kensuke! This ain't worth it without ya, idiot!" Touji's head fell to Kensuke's still, cold chest, crying out things like, "why'd you leave me" and "this ain't fair" and "I love you, please come back" until he finally steeled himself and came to "I'll see ya soon, Kensuke. Wait up for me, 'kay?"

His efforts to wake Kensuke went unnoticed by anyone who might have survived without WILLE, as did their lives after the Third Impact, and if someone had asked, nobody would have been able to tell them that, with fat tears streaming down his otherwise stoic face, Touji had forced himself up, lifting Kensuke's cold body over his shoulder. Nobody would have said that he jumped off the ledge of the roof they had been resting on, down into the bloody red ocean. And if someone asked what happened after that, no one would have told them that Touji sunk to the bottom, still holding Kensuke's lifeless hand tightly in his own. No one would have said a word, because no one knew, and if they did, no one seemed to care.

No one could have said a thing, and neither could Kensuke or Touji.


End file.
